I checked this morning at around 8AM, and it still wasn't on. Fuckers...
Anyway, wasn't able to update this thing because of that.
Been having an epiphany of sorts lately. I just realized what I dork I used to be. Well actually, I've known for quite some time already, but to tell you frankly, was in constant denial all my life. With all these bouts of memory retrieval (what with all my old friends coming into contact with me again...) it's hard to avoid remembering certain things from your childhood. Hehehe...
THIS IS ME AS A KID... CUTE HUH? Hehehehe...
I remember I was scarred for life in grade school because I was bullied by a bunch of kids from my Grade Level, but were part of the "siga" group. It wasn't all my fault really, but yeah now that I think about it, I wasn't thinking very well... and all of that trauma could have been avoided. I was a tough little bastard back then. I never backed down from a challenge.
So even if their whole group approached me and confronted me and tried to intimidate me at my classroom, I just stood there, defiant. I felt like pleading for my life really, but I just stood there and took it. It was all words anyway, since they couldn't touch me, lest be thrown in detention or something.
I even remember coming across these same guys during the Grade School fair. Damn that was a whole series of freaky events. But it all boiled down to a series of stare-a-thons... nothing physical.
So you wonder what the hell caused the trauma? It was their girlfriends... goddammit I had no idea that word spread so fast amongst the girl population. I mean come on, it happend once and a few days alter all the girls I knew from that school had something to say about me. Good GOD! I mean, mind your own damn business! I later on found out that it was one of the guys that was trying to intimidate me that did the slandering... that was fucking gay. (No offense to the gay community, but yes that was a chicken-livered, yellow-bellied thing to do)
And it worked by the way.
Now I am very careful about what I say about other people. I mean I still speak my mind without prejudice (hence this lousy P.O.S. you'd call a journal) but not around people I don't know... which is the way it should be. I mean, I opened my big mouth without thinking at some soiree back in Grade School and all this happens... hehehe... if you're wondering what I said and to whom, let's just say that right after I said it, I smacked myself in the head.
What an idiot. hehehe...
I still see the same dudes that I had the pleasure of crossing harsh paths with, and some, well, they're still the same. The others are really good guys who just fell in a bad crowd. So yeah I see them, or used to see them in college... but now that I'm bigger and less scrawny (and I'd like to think, I'm much cooler now... hehehehe) I guess they don't think it's worth it to bother me anymore.
Now I have some gems of wisdom to share with my children. I've even thought about how to say it to them without sounding too preachy whilse still sounding like a cool person. Hehehe... what a geek. But yeah, when the time comes, I'll know what to say. Hopefully they won't have to go through the same damn problems I had to go through at so young an age.
Life's like that I guess. You learn from things you'd rather not experience. It makes you who you are today.
With that thought in mind, I begin to wonder... how much of what I went through should I really tell them? If I want them to learn, do I tell them all about it or let them experience it all on their own? I guess I'll just have to cross the bridge when I get there. One word of advice I will tell my son... stay away from the ladies until you know well enough... hehehehe.
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